This morning, relaxed with my coffee, I sit on the brink of tears, poised in the place of wonder and awe, relief and unfolding.
It is a poignant feeling of relief, release, and GRATITUDE.
I attempt to describe the vibration in my body, the presence, a subtle joy and a quiet satisfaction, not elation, not a high, but a feeling after a big push of effort.
Though I am still creating the final modules of my ecourse and far from done, the people are here. I am running 3 groups simultaneously, plus counseling one on one and think back to when I had 2 people in my living room sometimes many many years ago and did not give up even though it sometimes felt hopeless.
I think back to the many times a particular group would spontaneously dissolve and I wondered if I should quit when out of nowhere a new one would form in its place. This is the healthy nature of groups I have discovered. If they last for a long time with the same members, things involute and become very very stagnant.
I have held the space consistently for 15 years with a group ebbing and flowing, giving even those two people at one point everything I could, because they wanted to be there. I have held movement classes both small and large.
I have held the faith.
I have learned to trust my vision of 20 years or more to build a global community of people who practice the profound ways of Presence so their hearts can open, so they can show up and be of service to themselves, their families and the planet. It is a chance to experience community on a very deep level where love abounds. I cannot help but say it is the microcosm of the way things could be for all of us.
Somehow I stumbled upon a way, a teaching, a vehicle that was so far reaching beyond anything I had ever seen, that still to this day, after practicing for over 25 years, I can say that it is still yielding results for me.
I have gone on many a recon mission to keep myself up to date, informed and even on the search for new ideas and I fall back to these principles that have taken me to places I never imagined.
I have filled 2 retreats per year for over 15 years. The retreats continue to be the profound experience of the culmination of practices. The energies collect there for those present as we journey through our individual path together in consistent effort over a concentrated period of time. It is something we can aspire to in regular life, but there is nothing to describe what reaches us deep in our hearts on these retreats. We create a container that assists this heart opening.
When I think of the beauty in my life, the moments of feeling deep meaning and purpose, I recall various retreats where I tapped into something eternal.
Those occurrences will always be with me, like a forever living moment, not a memory. It is what I long for others to experience. It was these moments that made me realize that life has so much more to offer than we realize.
I continue to hold the vision of a month to 3 month long retreats on a big property that I own (hopefully where it is warm) where people can learn a way of life.
I knew when my heart burst open long ago and I could step in sync with The Beloved that it was my path to share “the how” as my teachers did for me.
Today I stand in utter thanks for my own persistence and vision, for those who have shown me the way, for the profound importance this Work has in the world, for a teaching that runs through a lineage of those who sense the baraka, and for those who are showing up at this time and in the future, to receive the transmission and then pass it on.
My husband and I realized last night that there are 3 groups running simultaneously and I bow my head, hands together, in hopes that I may be an effective vehicle for this information.
I look back at the long road from whence I have come and I feel relief, release and gratitude. Big Gratitude.
What has been your experience with long term goals? I would love to hear your stories of persistence and gratitude in light of those goals.