I am not your typical meditation teacher.
The fact that I come from a troubled background has most likely shaped who I am and why I do what I do. I sought ways to relieve my pain and confusion, my isolation and my fear. I think I wondered as a kid how I got myself in such an unsatisfying situation. I remember feeling sorry for myself a lot when I looked around and was convinced that everyone else had it so much better. I just knew that some people had loving families and Moms that came to their rescue. I know I was probably seething with jealousy and I took it upon myself to be tough, to be invincible, to not let things get to me.
I hid the pain of years of abuse that came at me from all angles, from creepy perverted teachers to absentee parents. I also took all the criticism to heart.
Perhaps the most amazing revelation from doing this specific kind of spiritual work is that I could finally actually hear and see the critical monster that I had so cleverly brought along for the ride.
I realized very early on that music was my saving grace as well. I could find love there without the pesky human contact. It filled my soul the way no human possibly could. I chose to go into a career of high level performance probably so someone would notice me and my good deeds, and at the same time I did love sharing and being part of such profound beauty.
I am a classical pianist, something that takes discipline and commitment. How commendable!
The problem was that everything looked great from the outside but nothing was right on the inside. The self bashing, the fear of not being good enough, the love affair with perfectionism and proving myself, and the reputation to uphold became too much for me.
All the while, my other dark side fed on drugs, sex and… well not rock and roll. I could not have been a better example of a living contradiction. I am sure many of you can relate to this.
I found meditation and yoga blended in a unique combination at a dojo in Paris where I was engaged in high level studies. Even after 6 years of this, I couldn’t feel the love outside of that dojo. All of that was a means to “fix myself” and yes it helped tremendously. It curbed the sharp edge of anxiety and fear, but I was still living a lie and it bothered me.
When I found the Fourth Way work, I learned how to live life and recognize the lie through practices done out in everyday life not just on a cushion in silence. I was “Zenning out” as in motorcycle maintenance and more. I was out there in the trenches living the practices and learning who I really was.
It brought me to a kind of freedom that I believe made me fearless in the wake of what previously seemed insurmountable. I could grapple with that part of me that needed to “fix me”. I learned how to have a truly fulfilling relationship after so many false starts and relentless boundary benders.
I learned how to stand in the face of all the shit that came my way and not let it get to me. That was the new invincible me that really could stand aside, waving my red cape in front of the bull, balancing the tightrope of promise, and diving with surrender to what is.
I could play music without the baggage of needing approval and recognition. i began to play for the sake of personal expression and giving from the heart.
So this is why the typical notion of a meditation teacher “oming it up” in zen like fashion for all to see is not really me.
I dance in the kitchen and even video it for social media to keep myself in check, to challenge the notion that I care what others think of me, to remain a free spirit against all odds.
We are so attached and the kind of meditation I teach is a way to be free of that.
These practices enabled me to get out of my OWN world and my own depression and begin to love life.
When I do things that show that I don’t care about what other people think – it’s very freeing.
I don’t believe that meditation has to be all about stillness on a cushion though I absolutely do that every day.
Sitting makes room for the God part of us to come in and so does practicing presence out in life- It all translates to living life more fully.
You don’t have to sacrifice who you are to do this work.
Your ideas about meditating and mindfulness may be stopping you from having the life you are actually seeking.
The 8 week course coming up October 1st includes the basics for practicing what I have just explained. This is what I’m going to teach you.
Do it with LOVE – I feel like I have this amazing secret to share and people get BLOWN AWAY every single time they take this course. It turns out to be not at all what they thought they were getting into. It ends up being a thousand times better.
The meditation is important and about 30% of this course. The rest is how to live life and not get bothered by it.
I look forward to your presence in the class and honor your decision to invest in the best self care I know of.
Please check out all the info here to grab your spot for the Fall. class start Oct. 1st, 2016