Molly’s Blog.

Bad Habits

I talk about choice a lot in my writings, on my website and with my students. The funny thing is we think we are choosing, not realizing that much of what happens to us in regards to our suffering is really bad habit. These habits perpetuate more suffering like a chain reaction. We are so habituated to the series of events that we think it is normal.

We get into tailspins that are inextricably painful. Do you have episodes of anxiety and fear about your present situation or future scenarios that are really extremely difficult to quell?

Do you often get subterranean tension with a partner that never gets flushed out and dealt with?

Do you persist in feelings of resentment about something that is in the past?

Do you have a pervading sadness that you cannot shake?

Are you seething with anger that is misplaced, unfounded, or uncontrollably stuffed to the far reaches of your consciousness?

There are so many red flags that can help you see the habit. Yes, you must first notice that it is habit, automatic, mechanical and illusion. If that can occur, you have a way in.

If you have experienced any of the above scenarios, you know how hard it is to extricate yourself from these negative feelings no matter how hard you try. In fact, some of your efforts begin to be part of the habitual chain reaction that makes things worse.

Some of your efforts to “feel better” come from the part of you that can’t stand that you are fallible, vulnerable and in pain. It will justify all attempts to skirt the real issues, actually promote bad habits to keep it all going and discourage the ability to choose something different.

Choosing something different begins to erode “its” power.

As I work with people privately, I notice more and more how we all take for granted that what we are experiencing is real. It certainly feels real. Further along, there is a realization that it isn’t real, but still no luck in escaping the sticky web we weave.

What most have in common is that these constructs are a result of thinking and are not based in objectivity. Our identification with these beliefs have us locked away.

No energy to do something alternative to push against the pattern.

Survival mode run amuck….

This is why I do what I do. I teach people how to become more objective through the skill of observation. Mindfulness consists of developing a concentration that enables us to see. It is the synchronization of centers. Sometimes this isn’t so pleasant nor is it easy, but the benefits of learning this skill will changes our lives forever. It is a gift that keeps on giving, developing and evolving the more free we become.

Goodbye by Yuliya VladkovskaMostly these days I find people are attracted to things that will make them “feel good” in response to the amount of suffering and negativity they are experiencing. Once the feel good session is over, the negativity comes rolling back in with a vengeance because it has not been dealt with and so… we seek the feel good again. The feel good methods range from the spiritual to the detrimental and everything in between including the myriad of distractions we have created to keep our suffering a moving target.

Learning self observation requires that we simultaneously experience our thinking, feeling and bodily sensation. We then and only then are enlightened to the fact that we are highly compartmentalized, especially in our thinking with no means of escape.

It is frustrating and scary to see ourselves feel and act the way we do with no “control” over that anxiety, that anger, or the actions that keep us separate from one another. This makes us go running to the temporary “feel good” and we may not realize that our temporary “feel good” is a habitual system that promotes feeling bad because it doesn’t fix it.

No choice.

Starts to feel like prison.

There is a way out but it won’t be easy or pleasant and you will have to accept some disturbing things about yourself. There is a price and you have to really want to pay it. You have to be fed up with the way things are in your life. You can head these “negative experiences” off at the pass with choice, but you have to make one clear choice before that, which often comes in a moment of inexplicable grace.fire Susan Seddon Boulet

You have to decide you really want the freedom, like an inextinguishable fire that burns within and…you are willing to do what it takes.

That is when working with someone is effective.

I am doing FREE half hour discovery calls to see if working with me is a good fit. Please contact me if you really want it.

 

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3 Comments

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    • This kind of extpmireneing is something that can be taken to incredible extremes, as in the case of doing A-B testing to see if a homeless guy can generate more revenue by refining his sign design. I’m not sure if that’s even a true story, but all of these stories reminded me that

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