Molly’s Blog.

How Much Can You Bear?

Bearing the unpleasant manifestations of others is something G.I. Gurdjieff talked about a lot. It is part of understanding acceptance and defines effective karma yoga. Day to day living inevitably offers us many opportunities to practice with family members, friends and colleagues.

I have found that bearing the unpleasant manifestations of others releases me of their energy.

I don’t dwell in the negative.

I learn non reaction.

I gain empathy.

When I make a big deal about someone’s ill behavior, it is as if I carry on the vibration of the wave they started. I immerse myself in the habit of being right and criticizing. By pointing out the wrong doing of others, part of me justifies to the world that I am not like that person.

Which part of me needs to prove that?

The struggle to not express negative emotions brings about transformation by creating friction.

When I bear the unpleasantness of others I resist the expression of my own negative emotions. I struggle to not argue, to not have to be right or to not have to point out the faults of said person to others.

This means pushing against strong habits in order to create inner energetic movement.

When I purposefully create struggle within myself, I create friction which then combusts into a new fire of consciousness. I unify the many parts of me that want to be seen and heard in certain ways.

Through friction, I become a polished gem.

I believe when people act in strange reactive ways, it means they are triggered and very much hooked into their identity with things like being a victim, or needing to be in control, or a collective anger. This list is endless.

When I react to that person’s identification, it is usually because I have no empathy, no insight, no understanding of that person’s irrational negative behavior. More often than not, If I am not on my toes, I will take their actions personally and begin to react according to my own identifications..

It is very difficult to step back and have compassion, understanding and maintain distance. When I take the first steps of resisting a reaction, I will create an intentional friction within myself.

This friction will enable me to see my own identification with being justified.

In essence, if I don’t create that friction within myself, I am participating in the same story as the person I am complaining about, fighting with, or reacting to. I assist their “matrix”.

The only way for me to learn to be compassionate and empathetic is to resist the expression of my negative emotion in regards to someone else’s bad behavior. I will then have to deal with an inner dilemma and observe what it is in me that needs to express such things.

It will stop arguments dead in their tracks.

It curbs gossip.

It puts projection into check.

I will begin to see what makes the other person tick.

I begin to see what makes me tick.

Art by Erin aka Bluefooted

Art by Erin aka Bluefooted

Most importantly, it enables me to learn through intentional action to become the master of the many parts of me that want to carry on in reaction, in sorrow, in anger, and in persecution.

When I pick up the gauntlet of talking about someone else’s faults, I am most assuredly building up my own beliefs about myself. I am blind to the fact that I am complaining just as much as that other person had been doing.

I stoop to their level, match vibration, and create a symbiotic feeding frenzy.

This week let’s rise above the urge to:

  • talk poorly about someone
  • react to a negative comment someone has made
  • argue back even if you “know” they are wrong
  • justify your indignation

 

Please let me hear from you about this inner struggle.

What effect does it have within yourself and with the other person?

 

Love,

Molly

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9 Comments

  1. Molly! This is beautiful! It’s so crazy.. I literally just wrote on an incredibly similar topic about self doubt through the resistance of others. In reality, when people resent.. it just means you should push even harder towards your focus, your ideas, and your heart. Once you flip the switch, those who didn’t believe in you will actually start to see you succeeding. They will realize you aren’t breaking, and then they will start to wonder if it’s possible for them. MAYBE you were right. MAYBE it can work for other people.

    That is the beauty of the mindful network. Believe you are more, and they will believe too.

    🙂

    Reply
    • Hi Heath, i actually meant this to be about how we react to other people’s ill behavior, not whether they believe in us or not. Resentment from them is an unpleasant manifestation, so are you saying just keep following your heart regardless of what someone else thinks? Maybe you are referring to people’s ill will toward you and ignoring it, which creates friction within yourself. We can only work on ourselves and not others. When they resent you, do you mean they don’t believe in you? I just wasn’t clear on what you are saying. I am going to go search out what you wrote!

      Reply
  2. Such a timely post. Thank you for your insight. This is something that happens daily to most of us and I appreciate your reminder. It can be somewhat challenging, but I’ve noticed when I’m mindful about all of this and I can step out and be the neutral observer, there is a much better outcome of the situation for everyone. Thanks Molly!

    Reply
    • thank you Laura for these comments. It is so true about being a neutral observer and how that helps. In a way, it is a service to others and ourselves.

      Reply
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    Reply
  4. Hello There. I found your blog using msn. This is an extremely well written article. I will make sure to bookmark it and come back to read more of your useful information. Thanks for the post. I will definitely comeback.

    Reply
  5. Everything is very open with a clear description of the challenges. It was really informative. Your website is very helpful. Thank you for sharing!

    Reply
  6. I can only work on myself. My heart is torn into many pieces. I walk out into the world alone. I rise or I fall, but it will be of my own doing. It is love I must let go of in order to understand how to begin to put my broken heart back together. I never thought I would have to let go of love, that is what I am all about, what will I be without it. I dont know how to live in this world anymore. I am wise, but wisdom has no answers. I rise or fall . Thank you molly your words are encouraging. Guess its up to me now.

    Reply
  7. Thank you Molly… such a clearly written explanation of daily experience and the myriad choices to resist critique of others and focus on oneself. Peace to you… Heather

    Reply

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